Wednesday, May 1, 2013

K-II Meter Helps Find Ghosts

I recently stumbled upon the pilot episode of Deep South Paranormal[1]. It was only on in the background, so I didn't catch all of it, but I did catch the repeated references to their "K2 meter". I had an idea, but wasn't sure what it was.  I was curious, so I looked it up.

I found one for sale on Amazon[2], and it has some helpful reviews.

It works flawlessly.[3]

I was a skeptic but I really have no complaints. The first time I used the K-II was in the basement of a library. I wasn't certain it was working until I passed a pillar of books stacked in a way that no human being could possibly have done. The meter was off the charts near the books. That's when I saw the purple specter hovering at the end of a row just reading a book. She looked friendly enough so I took a minute to come up with a plan to nab her. When I lunged for her with my arms she transformed into an ugly projection and I was paralyzed by fear. I knew after that, I needed some additional equipment.

I purchased the K-II proton pack and the K-II EMP trapper and got to put my new gear to the test when I was hired by a hotel to remove a pesky slug specter. It was green with large yellowish teeth and floated menacingly above the food cart on the 13th floor. I hardly needed the K-II since he couldn't have been more visible, nevertheless the K-II was spot on and began to go crazy as I approached the little fella. It took me a while to shepherd the little guy into the hotel dining room, but once there I was able to successfully use the K-II proton pack to snare and trap the devious thing within my K-II EMP trapper. The hotel manager wasn't very happy about the mess, but thanks to my K-II equipment and plenty of experience they are now ghost free.

I purchased an old fire house and setup an industrial K-II EMF storage unit in the basement so I'd have a place to empty my traps. I made a successful go of it as a business for several months but I began to notice a pattern. Armed with my reliable K-II gear I was finding spectral incursions all over the place, especially in urban areas. Using my K-II EMF Meter I traced the source of these incursions back to an old building in Manhattan. It wasn't long after that I realized this building was designed to open a gateway into another dimension. I climbed up to the roof with my proton pack and encountered an evil goddess and her minions materializing through the gateway. I was able to deceive her by posing as a god and she escorted me to the front of the gate, presumably so we could rule side by side. As we approached the gateway I quickly activated my K-II proton pack and fired into the portal. A huge explosion ensued and practically tore the building in half. The gateway began to flicker and emit an almost demonic sound of static. After a moment it appeared to collapse in upon itself taking all the evil with it back into the hellish dimension from which it came.

Ghosts Everywhere[4]

I can't believe all the ghosts I found with this device. They were all over; in my kitchen appliances, in my light bulbs, and even in my electrical outlets. I even think I summoned some kind of demon by shuffling my socks on the carpet. I mean, who knew that ghosts haunted power lines? I complained to my electric company that they were providing me haunted electricity and demanded that they send an exorcist but they wouldn't listen so I had them cut off the power and I covered the outlets with aluminum foil and crucifixes to protect my home and my family. I suggest everyone buy one of these so you can guard their homes from the evil ghosts that hide in the electricity.


The product works as advertised, however to my dismay it turns out that specters who wish to be known will be known whether you have invested sixty dollars or not. Three of them (or were there four?) came to me Christmas Eve last, and while it was a frightening experience they taught me a valuable lesson. Don't hold onto possessions, my fellow humans, but hold onto the love of your near ones! For me, it was nearly too late, but for you there is plenty of time in your young lives to put people in front of money.

Save your $60 here, and buy the fattest goose in the window instead.

The K-II Meter was still wrapped and under the tree as a present from my nephew when the ghosts arrived and had their way with my perceptions. It was great at detecting their signatures *after the fact.*

But, of course, there's always one quack:

There are no such things as ghosts[6]

This meter detects electrical fields, not ghosts. There are no such things as ghosts. That's fun to believe when you are a kid but if you can afford to buy this you had better be an electrical contractor because if you're buying it to find ghosts you really ought to get a better hobby. Go help out living people in a nearby old-folks-home or something. Please.


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