Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

My Actively Engaged Father Made Me An Atheist

Thanks to JT Eberhard & Vyckie Garrison sharing it, I found an interesting article in my feed today.

"Did your absentee father make you an atheist?"

The article is about the republishing of a book I had not previously heard of, "Faith of the Fatherless: The Psychology of Atheism" by Paul C.Vitz.  The premise of this book is that people become atheists because of absent or abusive fathers.

As you would expect from such an idiotic stance, he supports it by cherry picking atheists with bad fathers and believers with good fathers.  He calls this cherry picking his "evidence" of his "hypothesis".  He ignores contrary evidence, like the quote from Eberhard in the article praising his father.

If Vitz's cherry picking counts as evidence, why wouldn't Eberhard's childhood discount that evidence?  How about my own childhood?  My father was Christian, and he certainly was not absent.

My father intentionally worked early hours so he would be home when I got home from school.  He was involved in both my Boy Scout troop and the Church youth group I participated in.  I got my love of gaming from my father.  Even with my father being away occasionally for military duties, my memory is of a father who was there.

My atheism is a direct result of my father's active role in my childhood.

My father was the primary source for my critical thinking skills.  He taught me how to discern fantasy from reality.  He encouraged my interest in science.

My father is a big part of why I don't relate to the stories of trauma I constantly hear from atheists about how their Christian parents have mistreated them.  My father knew I was atheist before I did.  He never pressured me about it.  He never attempted to guilt me into believing.  He never attempted to convince me with apologetics.  The only thing he ever said to me about it was to tell me that I was "a better Christian than most Christians", which told me both that he knew I was atheist and that he was okay with it.

But, of course, my father doesn't disprove Vitz wrong any more than his claims of evidence prove him right.  It's all anecdotal, which has no place in evaluating a hypothesis.  I make no claims about the truth of his claims, because I haven't researched it or seen any real research on the subject.  I have my suspicions, but that would be as useless as Vitz's cherry picking.  I'd certainly be interested to see it studied for real, though.

Vitz's drivel is nothing but hate speech.  Christians intent on hating will welcome his pseudoscience.  For them, it's something to reinforce & rationalize their hate.  It's like racists who see the statistics of how many Blacks are convicted compared to Whites as evidence that Blacks commit more crime.  They welcome whatever they think backs up their prejudices.

For Christians who don't hate, I expect they'd be as offended by Vitz as I am.  For instance, if my Christian mother, who, with my father, raised 2 sons who are atheists, knew about Vitz's claims, she'd see it as an insult to the memory of the husband she's spent the last 4 years grieving and fully expects to see again in Heaven.

Bigots like Vitz don't do anything to help with their religion.  All they do is reveal themselves, and their fans, as ignorant assholes.  They're so eager to hate on atheists, they make up shit like this rather than argue within reality.  They don't seem to care in the slightest that it means bashing good Christians, like my parents, in the process.

Vitz calls my father "defective".  I called him "Dad".

Go fuck yourself, Paul Vitz.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Four Years Ago - Some Thoughts On Grief

It happened 4 years ago today.  I was on the way out the door to drive to Kansas City to spend the holiday weekend with some friends when I got a text to go over to my brother's.  He had something to tell me that he wouldn't tell me over the phone.  That could only mean someone had died.

I was expecting it to be our grandmother or our great-aunt, both who've had failing health in recent years.  But I was wrong.  It was our father.

Maybe it was the fact that I'm a bit of an emotional robot.  Maybe it was me never having a belief in any afterlife.  Maybe it was something else entirely.  But I instantly skipped the first four stages of grief[1] and accepted that he was gone.

I've experienced anger due to his death, but I wouldn't qualify it as being part of the grief.  It was justified anger at the hospital staff who didn't do their jobs[2].  I do experience occasional sadness during times his presence would be most desired, like when I want to get his opinion on something or I find a new game I think he'd enjoy.

Denial and bargaining are things I never experienced.  Denying it never seemed like a productive use of my time.  Who the hell would I bargain with?  And for what?  To make him rise from the dead?

Sometimes I wonder how my reaction would be different if had ever believed in Heaven or any other afterlife.  I suppose the idea that he lives on in Heaven could give me comfort if I thought it were true.  But even many believers question its existence.  Is a shaky idea of an afterlife barely believed in any comfort to the grieving?

I'm sure many can compartmentalize enough to achieve proper acceptance, but I'm sure many others never do.  For instance, I've had Christians tell me, with sincere belief, that we never die.  They think we simply go to either Heaven or Hell, where we live on forever.  The idea of them achieving acceptance seems unlikely if they don't actually think their loved ones are dead.  Maybe they don't actually grieve then, but I doubt that too.  Surely, they miss those who are gone, no matter where they think they've gone.

How is closure achieved if the grief stage of denial is preserved by a religious idea that encourages us to pretend the dead are not really dead?  Do believers in an afterlife ever really accept that people are dead?

For me, I'm glad that I don't think my father has gone to Heaven.  I'll never see him again, and I'm not happy about that.  But I'm happy that I'm not living a lie about it.  A comforting lie is still a lie.

Besides the fact that it's not real[3], I see the notion of an afterlife to be a waste.  If I thought my father lived on elsewhere, I'd probably have less appreciation for the 29 years I knew him.  If I thought I would live on after my time on Earth, I'd have far less appreciation for that time.  An average of 70-some years is nothing compared to eternity.  But it's a hell of a lot when it's all you've got.

Death sucks[4].  But so would eternity.  It would suck infinitely.  Some people sure seem to like the idea of an afterlife.  But I just don't get it.

Believers can have their delusions if that's their desire.  For me, I'll stick to reality.  I'll stick to my grief being a reminder to appreciate what I've still got.  I'll stick to doing my best to appreciate my limited time in this life and my limited time with the people in it.

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1.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
2.  Something I can't go into further for the obvious legal reasons.
3.  http://news.yahoo.com/proof-heaven-author-now-thoroughly-debunked-science-131711093.html
4.  http://youtu.be/njfJ8Kp1jVc

Sunday, April 7, 2013

An Open Letter To Some Atheists

My love for table top gaming has its roots with my father. I don't recall ever engaging in the stereotypical father-son bonding experience, playing catch in the yard. Our version of that was games like Risk & Trivial Pursuit.

It was through this experience where I learned a great number of things. It was there I learned how to lose gracefully. He never let me win these games, and the way I knew he never let me win was because I never won. He had confidence in my ability to know the value of earning your own victories and trusted that I wouldn't like it if I he let me win and that I could learn from defeat.

The reason we[1] couldn't beat him in strategy games was because of his intelligence. He was a computer programmer in the 80s, before GUIs or the Internet. Before being a nerd was popularized and was closer to the characters portrayed in Revenge of the Nerds than Chris Hardwick[2]. Closer to Bill Gates than Mark Cuban.

When I was 4, he left that career to join the Air Force, who eventually sent him to the Naval Post Graduate School to earn a Masters degree in an area where even the title of the degree was confusing to me. I never fully knew what he did in the Air Force because the half of his job that wasn't classified was over my head. I know that he did something with communications and once got a process that took 12 hours down to a few minutes.

I've aced nearly every math class I've ever taken, without even trying. But after my father died, I found some of his math text books and they were ridiculously complex and confusing.

I got a great deal of my ability to think analytically from my father.  Some was certainly genetically inherited, but it also came from him teaching us to think critically. We didn't play games labeled as "educational", but we did play games that required thinking strategically.  My thought process often thinks several steps ahead of the present. I'm confident that I have my father to thank for that.

He's been gone nearly 4 years and I still find myself wanting his opinion on things. I never got to see his reaction to things like the Tea Party, our first Black President, or the former's insane reaction to the latter.

I've since evolved to slightly more complicated games like Settlers of Catan[3], Puerto Rico[4], Twilight Imperium[5], etc.  It makes me sad that I'll never be able to share most of these games with him.  Especially Catan, as I think I could actually beat him in it.  Probably not Puerto Rico though, as I did get the chance to lose to him in that.

My father was one of the smartest people I've ever known. And he was a Christian.

I frequently see atheists making blanket statements about Christians, saying they're all stupid. And even when challenged on it, they often stick by the generalization. If that is you, then you're my target audience for this letter.

When you do that, you hurt the cause. Calling them all stupid does nothing to convince those on the fence that there's something worthwhile on our side of the fence. All you accomplish with that behavior is the creation & reinforcement of the negative stereotype about us that we're all arrogant dicks.

By treating them all like shit, you alienate potential Christian allies like my father would have been. Not only that, but you offend people like me, who have had Christians in our lives who we loved and respected, who we wish were still here.

You make my job as an activist more difficult. Christians are the majority.  We cannot preserve things like the Separation of Church and State without their help.

Please stop calling them all stupid.  Go ahead and call individuals stupid when they are, or point out trends if they're valid.  Go ahead and criticize the beliefs as irrational, as they typically are. But it's important that we don't alienate ourselves from a large portion of the population when we have giant hurdles to cross to even be accepted as normal or trustworthy.  They could just as easily take the side of the Fundamentalists they share a holy book with. Let's show them our side is the right one and not give them any more reason to hate us than the Fundamentalists already do.

Plus, saying they're all stupid is flat out not true[6][7].

The "TL;DR" version of the above is:  Please stop calling all Christians stupid.  It's not true, and saying it makes us look like assholes.
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1.  My brother couldn't beat him either.
2.  http://www.nerdist.com/
3.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000W7JWUA/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000W7JWUA&linkCode=as2&tag=omahathe-20
4.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008URUT/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00008URUT&linkCode=as2&tag=omahathe-20
5.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/158994206X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=158994206X&linkCode=as2&tag=omahathe-20
6.  Francis Collins believes in a god.
7.  Isaac Newton

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Reasons I'm Glad I'm Atheist, She-Ra Edition

Despite the best efforts of my childhood dog, who would only eat my He-Man toys while ignoring all my other toys, I loved He-Man.  So when She-Ra began, I watched that too.  I may have even liked it better.  Although, I cannot be sure since I was six years old when it started.

Either way, my point is that I never had a concept that show was supposedly "for girls".  I just knew that I liked it.  I never had religion telling me that I couldn't watch it because I was boy.  I never had shame imposed on me for not fitting into narrow minded expectations of gender roles.  My parents didn't freak out thinking that watching it might make gay.

I watched what I liked.  Thundercats, GI Joe, Transformers, Silverhawks, M.A.S.K., Duck Tales, Shirt-Tales, Snorks, He-Man, She-Ra.  I didn't watch what I didn't like.  Jonny Quest, Jem.  Gender was irrelevant.

When people ask, what we "get" out of atheism, as if everything must have a tangible reward to be worthwhile, this is a small example.  We get the freedom to like whatever the hell we feel like, without being hindered by religion and its stupid, stupid ideas on gender roles.

Credit:  @drzach

Friday, June 22, 2012

Introduction


Like most Americans, I grew up with Christian parents & went to Christian Sunday school.  The only ones I remember were side events of the various on-base churches we went to (my father was Air Force).  Children attended the first 10-20 minutes of the service then were taken off to another room for Sunday school.  From what I remember, it wasn't much more than the telling of Bible stories, usually with the assistance of puppets.

I understood that it was a way to keep the children occupied while the adults did whatever they were doing.  What I didn't understand was that it was supposed to be something more than that.  I never had a specific moment where I figured it out, but somewhere by the time I was 10, I had realized they thought they were telling me true stories.

I'm sure some may say it was stupid of me to go so long without realizing the stories were supposed to be true, but I don't see that I ever had any reason to see those stories as any different than the fiction stories I was told in other settings.  I don't remember ever being specifically taught the difference between fact & fiction before then, but I do know that this particular skill goes back as far as I can remember.  The stories the puppets at church were reenacting were much more similar to the stories presented as fiction than those presented as fact.  So I took them as fiction.  As a result, I took the premise behind them (that a god exists) to also be fiction.

Since then, I've never been given any reason to see it as anything else.  Because of my reverence for truth and the number of people proclaiming it be true, I've searched for such a reason.  I've found reasons people want it to be true.  I've found clever wordplay, from people desperate to prove it's true, but none that held up to basic logic tests.  I've even found psychological explanations for why someone would believe something even while acknowledging they have no good reason to believe it to be true.

But I've never found any tangible reason to actually believe anything super-natural exists in any form.  As a result, I'm still as atheist as the day I was born.